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Post by Aria Gust on Jul 14, 2006 13:58:33 GMT -5
How can you find something if you don't know what you're looking for? Sometimes I just sit and wonder "who am I?" I am Aria. A student. A teacher. Why did I come to this school? I think it was to escape. My father and baby sister were killed in a car crash. My mother is in an insane asylum. My relatives all thought I was strange. I was taught to hide my abilities. I never thought of it as a gift. Only as a curse. Maybe I am here because I am hiding from memories. Sometimes I wish memories were more tangible. We see them through our minds. But we can't seem to touch them. And we can't change them. I try to live in the now, but it's harder than it sounds. All the melancholy memories stay branded on my mind. And the sweet memories slowly fade away. I cannot rid myself of those plaguing memories,and the ones I wish to keep will not remain with me. It sometimes seems that the world is playing a cruel joke on me.
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Post by Aria Gust on Jul 17, 2006 10:21:39 GMT -5
Change. Change is both wonderful and terrible. The terrible and most perplexing type of change is when you drastically change, but the people around you don't. At times, people change so much at such a rate that they don't even notice they have changed. Other times, people change too subtly to notice that change is occuring. Still other times, the person doing the changing is the only one to notice that they have changed. Change can be annoying, and it is definitly uncomfortable and scary. Life is change and change is a massive part of life. Change occurs every second of every day. Changes in weather, temperature, emotions, character of people, friends, and even talents happen all around us all of the time. So there is clearly no use in resisting change. Those that resist change are resisting the healthy flow and pattern of life.
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Post by Aria Gust on Jul 23, 2006 22:41:51 GMT -5
Existing isn't enough. Sure, some consider existing in this world to be life. Just because you exist doesn't mean you actually live. Living means breathing and experiencing every part of life. The good, the bad. The beautiful, the ugly. The painful, the wonderful. Life is about embracing what we are and enjoying what we have. Life is about learning and loving and truth.
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Post by Aria Gust on Jul 25, 2006 22:24:58 GMT -5
Do you even wonder what makes you the way you are?
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Post by Aria Gust on Jul 28, 2006 10:52:42 GMT -5
I realized that I am hiding. Hiding from my emotions. Or at least not letting myself feel all of them. I don't want to anymore. Painful emotions are a part of life. And sheilding myself from it will only make things harder later. Right now, I feel as if there is no one I am very connected to. There are a few people that I feel deeply connected with, but I haven't spoken to them in some time. Life goes on, whether we are ready for it to or not.
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Post by Aria Gust on Aug 18, 2006 16:31:10 GMT -5
Life seems really complicated sometimes, doesn't it? Maybe it is just so simple that we cannot bear to accept its simplicity. Maybe we make it seem more complicated. Maybe things really are always just black and white.
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Post by Aria Gust on Aug 20, 2006 14:17:40 GMT -5
The more I understand things, the more confused I am. I have learned many things recently. I do not want to know some of them. But I know them. And it is better to know than to be shrouded in ignorance. And I suppose I will soon learn more. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do. I will soon have to deal with things I am not ready for. But it doesn't matter if I am ready. I still have to deal with them. And I might hurt some people. And that is the last thing I want to do. Because I know what pain feels like. And I am about to lose someone. And I know I will. And I feel that no one understands. And there are few people I can talk to about it. And those few do no even know who they are. But they have helped me so much. And continue to help me. I am not ready, but life goes on. Whether we are ready, or not.
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Post by Aria Gust on Sept 30, 2006 11:07:24 GMT -5
It is autumn. just as spring is a time for renewal, autmumn is a time for change. For me, autumn is a time of memories. It reminds me how much I have already changed. It reminds how many people I have lost, how many people I have known. How many people I have loved-and not all of them in a boyfriend-girlfriend way. I have loved many guys. Simply for tha fact that we have a bond of strong friendship. A silent oath to protect one another. Autumn reminds me of how much I continue to change. And most of all...autumn makes me think about him. Him, the one I always end up thinking about. The one who sends chills down my spine. The one with eyes like a deep, dark abyss. The one who is unattainable. Autumn also brings thoughts of winter. Of snow. Of the beautiful, frosted silence. The glistening calm. The beauty of snow undisturbed by human feet. The softness and yet harshness of winter brings pain and beauty. It brings painful perfection.
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Post by Aria Gust on Oct 17, 2006 15:46:12 GMT -5
In the dreariness that overcomes us, we seek something more. We seek to find a smile. Happiness. We seek the ones that complete us. Who completes you? Who in this dank world completes me?
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Post by Aria Gust on Dec 21, 2006 23:10:53 GMT -5
The more I try to understand, the more mysterious things seem. Maybe I am reading too much into things. I am learning to let go. And I know what I need to let go of. It was never really mine to have in the first place. How can you give back what was never your own? It is near the beginning of a new year. A fresh start. Renewed hope. I am a boring person. And I know it. But I would rather be safe. And I can't change that part of myself, because it is who I am. And who can ask me to masquarade as another?
Eventually, something will come. Something to shatter the monotony of it all. A blazing something or a soft passing shadow. Anything to change this tedious drum beat.
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